This time, i have nowhere else to go. We have just finished the ROTC Formation at the field. I have no pen in hand, and no piece of paper to write down what I have been feeling for the whole week. Okay. So I was just having quarrels with my father. JUST. He hates me. And maybe I hate him for that too. He yells at me, but I don't. OF COURSE. If you are going to ask me what this whole thing is all about, MY BEHAVIOUR. My behaviour? towards what? I do not really understand my father as of now, but honestly, I missed that way we were before. I used to be his little girl, I used to ride him in piggy back. I used to laughing with him. Now, I get all of his wrath, his yells and shouts, his raging anger. Why? Because I have grown up. Grown up?

You know, it's really hard to have someone inside the family hating you. Especially when you are at my age. It's hard. I woke up today and went to the training without having breakfast. Not even coffee. Let alone water. It's just that I wanted to eat but his chastising me is really pushing me out in the house. I am so sick of it all. NOT THAT THIS IS AN ACT OF REBELLION. It's just that I want to be somewhere else not home. Not around him. I know I should understand him, because he's my father. But things get worse when we're around each other.

There are things I want to do that he doesn't like, i.e., listening to music, reading books, and I think all of my lovely hobbies. He thinks that I have changed since I got the new phone my aunt gave me, I was blinded by the phone, according to him. BLINDED BY THE PHONE? Come on. Even when I just had that black and white NOKIA Phone, I was already into phones because I have friends far away from my place and I have obligations and responsibilities in school that I have to be attentive with my phone if there are any urgent and important messages.

What's worse about this scenario is that I feel like crying. I feel less loved, well my mother loves me, and she defends me against my father. And I feel like all of my damn efforts have turned into dust. Robin was right, achieving something almost yearly can become "not achievement" anymore. (Oh, Robin is a character in a true story book, bet she's at my age.)They expect that you "get" something again, and there is no more appreciation and recognition of what you have achieved at all. It seems like it all is but an ordinary event. And I hate that. Not that I want them to give effort praising and flattering  me, but at least make me feel that they are proud of me.

So, I wrote int his blog because I have no one else to share this to. I felt like crying lately, but I don' want to cry in front of everyone else of course. So where do I go after this? Second floor of the library. Look for a book and try to be busy.

Oh yeah, another thing. Having no boyfriend is not an issue to me at all. Because it seems that everyone has a love life. My Friends. Have boyfriends. But I don't care. Love is sweeter and more meanigful when you waited much longer. ♥